we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
