guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
