We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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