The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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