so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
