Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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