I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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