I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
