You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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