i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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