Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
