Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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