Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
