So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
