I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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