i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
