He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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