can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
