So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and she was petting her beer can
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
