Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
