why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
