If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
