Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
