Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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