I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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