just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
