We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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