woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
