last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
