I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
