Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
