They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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