He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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