That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
