the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
