worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just want to make out with him forever
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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