it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
