i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
