hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
