I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
