I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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