Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
