i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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