You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
