I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
