its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
