his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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