Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
