My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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