Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
