I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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