Me. At least after what I've been through.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
