do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
