How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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