Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
