Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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