i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
