he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the day after is always just damage control
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
