shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
