i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
