TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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