nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
