U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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