I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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