you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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