My brain says no but my pants say off.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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