Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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