So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
