Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
